I recently got an invitation to my high school's 15th year reunion. I got to thinking about the cover story I could offer (if television and movies have taught me anything, I need to lie big about how my life has changed. TV can't steer me wrong, can it?).
Okay, the last time most people saw me was at our 5th year reunion - so where to start? Immediately after leaving the reunion, my car was hit by a multi-millionaire nuclear plant owner who took me in as his heir. Then I later joined the flying Elvi parachute corps. After rescuing bigfoot and the loch ness monster from some nasty legal troubles, I tried to convince George Lucas to kill off Jar Jar Binks in the most inhumane way possible. He didn't go for that, but he did like my idea of sending Howard the Duck to South America to find a lost crystal skull. I wonder whatever became of that idea . I then singlehandedly convinced the Disney board of directors to fire Michael Eisner and appoint me as supreme ruler of Disney World, but after a nasty tussle with Sea World, I had to turn in my crown. With that said, I now moonlight as the Burger King, but that's only a part time gig. What I really do now is dress up like a bat and scare the living daylights out of criminals, that cowardly and superstitious lot! At least I did, until Warner Brothers threatened to sue. I now live the mild mannered life of an airline representative caught up in the day to day struggle of prices and seat dimensions and getting Auntie Amelia from Boca Raton to Schenechdady on a non-stop flight.
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